My arms a cage

My hands a lock

I think I misunderstood what it meant to take care of you.



We stopped whatever it was we had because you wanted to see where things would go with her 

And all that did was take you in a circle back to me 

Yet you said it meant nothing 

You still hold her hand like it wasn’t in between my legs last night

She trusts you

Part of me thinks you’d be different with me

But that’s never true 

…Maybe I’m just as guilty

A.V̶ .D.

She thought to herself, ‘if only he were mine.’ As if he heard her thought, he rang her doorbell with a tie around his neck and flowers he brought.
He heard much and spoke little; afraid to open his mouth wide because maybe she’d notice he lied. 

Maybe she’d notice your hand not too long ago held and your body not too long ago felt. 

Maybe she notices the trace of my kiss and possibly somehow she knows of our conversation last night when I told you how much of you I miss. 

“I have to go,” you said as you stood 

She grabbed your hand, “She doesn’t have to know.”

You sat back down. 


•C.D.L. (a series)•

Sometimes when I smoke, I imagine we’re still together. I imagine you walking past the smoking area, and meeting my eyes; first you’re overwhelmed with shock but quickly shock becomes anger and just as quickly I put it out. We walk off to the side where there’s no people because you hate making scenes.
You begin to yell, but not like most people do, not like I do, your voice is just slightly raised and you say things like “dying” and “unhealthy” and then finally you say something about not wanting to date someone who smokes. I’m taken aback, I can see that you mean it. 
I get angry at the threat initially, I say things like “it’s my life” and “don’t ask me to change” as if smoking is part of my personality. 
But because this is my imagination, and I’m done trying to make it realistic, I come to my senses and so I thank you for caring and I promise to stop. 
We hug, I try to kiss you but you say not until after I brush my teeth. 
We laugh.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

In reality when this happened, I didn’t quit, we just argued and your threat was an empty one.
I yelled a lot 
You “yelled” in the way that you do 

So quietly, so kindly 

* * * * * * * * * *

And I know it seems that I’m moving backwards or maybe just standing still 

But I am quitting, I smoke once in a blue moon and I think of you even less.